It is 8:30pm and I am sitting in the dark beside my youngest brother’s bedside listening to his labored breathing against the background of the hissing of his oxygen mask, his intravenous pump, the whir of the air circulation, and the low background of the hospital ward. The room is lit though without lights because of the presence of myriad small switches and buttons providing an eery glow. It is my turn and I am happy to be here in Netherland that comes before death.
While we are in the midst of a deep, sad and poignant process, one that cuts sharply at the very core of his beautiful family of choice and the four brothers that are now his family of origin we also feel grateful for a loving and supportive community and generous and caring staff who have taken great pains to see to it that all of us have what we need on this amazing watch. I will never see hospitals and their people in the same light though I am pretty sure this is not the norm.
Postscript: 2/15/10 Returning to my blog, I realize that this entry, mostly typed at my brother’s bedside on my iphone while he slept fitfully, was never completed. I guess I have been avoiding bringing up the tender and sad follow-up to this weekend. Peter was stabilized a few days later and arrangements were made, with his involvement now that his mind was working, for Hospice which of course means that the preparations are for death. In this time he had a return to the generous, thoughtful man he was and showed interest in his kids,his wife, his brothers who were taking turns by his bedside, his gardens, his cats and his many friends. We were with him when he died and his whole community turned out at his memorial celebration (actually more like a memorial day) which was poignant, funny, tearful and joyous. That is the end of this entry.
